


because my dreams are bursting at the seams

by Ericine



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: (or the starfleet version of it), Asexuality Spectrum, Beaches, Beginnings, Camping, Caregivers' Day, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dancing, Grief/Mourning, Holodecks/Holosuites, M/M, Mother's Day, Remembering Tasha Yar, Slash, Tree Climbing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 04:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13562976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ericine/pseuds/Ericine
Summary: There's plenty of change in the air for the Enterprise, but Tasha Yar, somehow, is the person who brings them together. (Or, how Will Riker and Data became cuddle buddies.)





	because my dreams are bursting at the seams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guardianofdragonlore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardianofdragonlore/gifts).



> WOW. How do I even explain how this came about? [mylittleredgirl](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mylittleredgirl/pseuds/mylittleredgirl) posted something on Tumblr ages ago - an idea about Starfleet allowing those in its ranks to encourage taking a few days off every year to spend time with their mothers - or their mother-like figures. I changed that to the idea of Caregivers' Day and have honestly been thinking about how that would work out for TNG in particular for a while.
> 
> Another idea I love is Data exploring the entire spectrum of sexuality and discussing that with the crew. So there's just a little of that here. I would love to do something more comprehensive (this only scratches the surface!), but I had a final this past week! I think this ended up nice length-wise though.
> 
> I honestly can't remember if calling Pulaski "Kate" is canon or fanon at this point. I think it fits, though.
> 
> I have actually never written m/m before - or Data's voice - so I hope this is alright.
> 
> @guardiansofdragonlore - thank you for this delightful challenge and helping me to think outside the box! I hope you like it.

The first year that they had done this, when they had all been less acquainted with each other, it had begun during one of Dr. Crusher’s ‘Get-to-Know-You’ dinners, which, from what Data had gathered, began with her having Counselor Troi and Tasha over for weekly dinners. It had then grown to having the entire senior staff over, provided the people in question were free, plus the occasional staff assistant.

It was one of those nights, when they were all there together, when Counselor Troi had tentatively brought up the idea of going with the Crushers together for Caregivers’ Day. Dr. Crusher had immediately agreed - they were all acquainted with Mrs. Troi’s quirks by then - and she had already arranged to bring Tasha along.

Geordi, by then, had found out that his parents were going to be off on deep space missions for the rest of the year and had requested tagging along. That is when Data had realized that he, not knowing to the extent the others did about caregiving, would find it educational to tag along as well.

It was only natural, considering Humans’ tendency to cling to tradition, particularly in the absence of something that used to be routine, that they do it the following year, with or without their entire party.  


“I miss Tasha.”

They have been silent on the beach for a long time - Dr. Crusher, Wesley, Geordi, Data, Mrs. Troi, and Counselor Troi. They had come together for this Caregivers’ Day arrangement and not spoken of the reason - even Dr. Crusher, who had been away at Starfleet Headquarters. Still, the reason was obvious. It was just Deanna who had said it out loud.

Lwaxana and her daughter exchange a conversation of sorts - Data always found it surprising that people who could communicate exclusively telepathically would bother to use facial cues to communicate as well.

It is something to consider. He ranks it low on his list of priorities and lets it process.

Though Deanna is reclining near her mother, it is Beverly she moves toward. It is Beverly who puts her arms around Deanna and pulls her into her chest.

“We all do, Deanna,” says Beverly, as Wesley looks on, concerned. He and Geordi have stopped building their sand sculpture and turn toward the others. “She would be happy that we’re here together, though. She would be happy that we were gathered here for her, because of her.”

Data processes many things in that moment at once, as he is designed to do: how agreeable and important Tasha was, the way that Deanna and Will had clung to each other as they watched her farewell message to the crew, and the way that he sees Beverly and Deanna clinging to each other now.

And Data has an idea that he has never had before.

It would be imprudent to bring up such a statement right now, though, because he can tell from Geordi’s face that this is a time for something else.

“She would not want you to be sad, Little One,” says Lwaxana, nodding to her daughter. “But we must feel what we feel. It’s lovely that you all have each other - and that she had you.”

Beverly’s eyes are full of tears, and Wesley moves toward his mother to place a hand on his shoulder. “It’s nice to be here together,” he says.

The waves crash into the shore and recede, over and over and over.

* * *

They have paired up for rooms at the beach house - caregivers with their children, and then Data and Geordi. Data decides to approach the subject with Geordi first before he sleeps. Data does not sleep and will perhaps wander the shore in the dark to see if the nocturnal wildlife is something he has not seen before.

“Geordi, have you ever been in love?”

Geordi coughs. “What?”

“Love. Have you ever been in love?”

Geordi has taken off his VISOR. He replaces it now, like it will help him better understand Data. “Well, that is a complicated question, Data. Why do you ask?”

“To love is human,” Data says simply. “But I realize that a lot of the love I have heard discussed during my tenure on the  _ Enterprise _ is between a man and a woman. I am curious about other genders.”

“You didn’t get any of that at the Academy, Data?”

Data considers this. “I suppose I was too concentrated on other priorities to give it the attention it deserved.”

Geordi sighs. “I have enough trouble figuring out love in general.  But you’re right in pointing out that it’s wider than one set of genders. Even the word ‘love’ has many different meanings. You know - you have to have other languages’ terminology of love in your programming.”

He does. Data nods. “That is true, Geordi. However, I am interested in your perspective. You are Human, and also, I trust you.” He takes a seat.

“See, that’s the thing. I’m bad at it,” says Geordi. “I tell you what. Mrs. Troi certainly hasn’t turned in yet. Why don’t you ask her? She’s much better at explaining these things, and she likes it.

Data tilts his head to the side. “Is that meaning to say that you do not like explaining it, Geordi?”

Geordi shrugs. “I think the way I see love is different than the way others do. But Mrs. Troi has experienced many different kinds of love. She’s telepathic, so that’ll help you out a lot.” He yawns. “If you want, we can talk about it more tomorrow.”

Data has gotten better and better at telling when humans are tired and when they need to retire. He used to forget, in the beginning, when his programming had not given him prerequisites for that type of knowledge (though Captain Picard had told him one time that humans sometimes have trouble telling when each other are tired too). “Of course, Geordi. Good night. Sweet dreams.”

* * *

He exits his room and sees the lights in Beverly and Wesley’s room are on, while the ones in Lwaxana and Deanna’s room are off. The greatest probability lies in Deanna visiting Beverly and Wesley in their room. Deanna and Beverly are best friends, just like he and Geordi are. That kind of thing makes people want to stay up all night talking. However, Geordi had not slept much on the transport over here and had worked a double before that. He needed rest.

Data finds Lwaxana at the pub next door, also an accurate calculation in probability. It has excellent sound shielding, so Data finds himself greeted with a great deal of noise upon opening the door.

“Data, dear!” calls out Lwaxana, waggling her fingers at him. “Oh, wonderful. My new friends have just left, and you’re just the person--”

There is a pause, where Data finds himself led around the room backwards by Mrs. Troi - he imagines this is perhaps her form of “dancing.”

“The quickest way to learn is by doing,” she tells him cheerfully.

Data nods. “Yes, Mrs. Troi. May I have a moment of your time? Perhaps somewhere quieter.”

Lwaxana’s eyes light up. “My  _ dear _ , how enchanting.” She holds her hand out daintily, and Data, used to this by now, leads her to the porch overlooking the shore. Lwaxana drapes herself over the banister. “How  _ may _ I help you, Data?”

“Thank you, Mrs. Troi,” says Data. “I wanted to ask you about love.”

Lwaxana’s eyes get wide for a moment - and for a moment, just a moment, Data sees the resemblance between her and her daughter. “That’s a broad topic, dear. Did you have something more specific in mind?”

Data nods. “Love between genders that are not men and women.”

Lwaxana smiles, and Data detects tenderness in her that he’s never see with her - at least while we was present. “Sit down, dear.”

“I do not need to sit.”

Lwaxana waves a hand dismissively. “Humor me.”

They talk until sunrise, and then some. He replicates her breakfast, and when Deanna comes out of her room to see Data dutifully cutting up Lwaxana’s omelette for her the way she likes it (alternating zig-zags), she walks over and hugs Data so fiercely that Data finds it prudent to recalculate his previous estimates of her strength.

* * *

“You sure you want to be out here with me?”

“Of course.”

“You sure you want to be out here with me and not on the beach with all of your friends?”

Will Riker finds himself wondering, for not the first time, if Dr. Katherine Pulaski came into the world speaking with such wry mastery. “I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t." Then, just a little playful: "And are you meaning to say that we're not friends, Kate? I'm hurt."  


The realization that his father and Kate Pulaski had had a history had surprised the hell out of him, though Kate - with her independence, taste for the rustic, and pioneering spirit - could be attractive. He’d just never thought of her with his father - or with anyone, really. They worked together, but where Beverly Crusher had been a regular at nearly all the on-ship events, Kate liked to pick and choose. That’s why it surprised the hell out of him when she asked him out here with her, of all places.

_ No ranks, no preconceptions _ , she’d told him while they were putting in the Caregivers’ Day leave requests. Will had found himself wondering, for not the first time, about her friends off the  _ Enterprise _ and if she celebrated Caregivers’ Day at all. Maybe she skipped it most years as he did.

Kate rolls her eyes. “I had to ask.”

“Understood.”

That matter behind them, Kate turns her attention to the camping grounds. This forest is a little chilly for a traditional vacation’s sake, but it’s right warm and comfortable for someone who grew up in this type of terrain. “I thought that you would appreciate all of this.”

They reach the place where they’ll camp for the night. Will walks the perimeter almost by instinct. “Because it’s like Alaska?”

“I don’t know. Everyone went to the beach. When you didn’t sign up, I wondered if this was more your type of field.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t miss Tasha. But the beach had been more of their thing, not his. He’d known that last year too, which was why he didn’t go. He usually didn’t take Caregiver Day to do anything in general. “To grieve?”

“To make your peace with the universe.”

Will grins a little. “I thought this had something to do with my father.”

Kate raises an eyebrow. “I don’t see him anywhere around here. You do the tents, and I do the fire?”

“Going really old school now, are we?”

“It’s nice to do things with your hands sometimes, isn’t it?”

“Is that why you became a doctor?”

“You could say that.”

They smile at each other and get to work.

* * *

For their mother-daughter night, Counselor Troi manages to negotiate her mother away from the pub and toward themed beach party. They wear matching dresses, which surprises Data a little. He did not think that the counselor took pleasure in being associated with her mother - she cared for her a great deal, of course, but they were quite different.

Geordi and Wesley are out at the pub playing pool to settle a friendly bet, while Data sits speaking to Dr. Crusher.

“She told me that love takes any forms and that it does not have to be romantic,” Data details for her. “Have you experience with this?”

Beverly takes the pillow next to her and holds it to herself. “Sure. I mean, I love Wesley, and that’s not romantic. I love you, and that is not romantic.”

“Thank you, Doctor. I care for you as well.”

Dr. Crusher beams, eyes shining more than usual. “I’ve missed you, Data.”

“I have missed your presence and your perspective.” Beverly reaches out and touches him on the arm. “But Mrs. Troi also said that romantic love does not always have to be physical, or even have want for the physical. Do you have experience with this?”

Beverly hums softly to herself. “Well, I think you can experience that kind of love with different kinds of people. I have not found anyone yet, but perhaps you can.”

Data tilts his head to the side. “I suppose I could explore the idea.”

“Can you keep a secret, Data?”

“You mean something I cannot tell anyone? But what if there were circumstances under which--”

The doctor laughs softly. “Do you want me to make it an order?”

Data shakes his head. “I will keep your secret.”

“I’m thinking of coming back to the  _ Enterprise _ .”

“Ah. But would that not--”

“Thinking. Just thinking, Data. A lot of things would have to change, but a lot of things have changed, I suppose.”

“Are you talking about Tasha Yar, Doctor?”

Beverly pulls her knees to her chest. “Among other things.”

* * *

“I’ve always moved on,” Kate tells Will. Their tents are up, but - unsurprisingly to Will - they both prefer to lie out under the stars for a little while. The temperature is appropriately chilly, and the skies are so clear here that you can see all five colored moons. “It used to be that I was running from something, but now it just feels like it’s part of who I am.”

Will turns to her. “But do you consider anything home?”

Kate shrugs. “Starfleet is home. This uniform is home. I am my own home. The  _ Enterprise _ is a little different. That ship - that group of you - that’s home.”

“I just wish you had something similar. More concrete.”

“Maybe I haven’t found it yet. But I don’t feel like anything’s missing. And I know enough about Starfleet ships to know that I’ll never be completely gone from your group. You’ve adopted me, for whatever that’s worth.”

“Is it possible you’ve adopted us?”

“I did bring you on this weekend with me, didn’t I?”

“Well, yes, because we’re so similar.”

Kate sits up for a moment, and her hair glows in the lingering fire embers. She pokes them with a stick nearby. “You’ve found your place.”

Will raises an eyebrow. “You think I’m settling?”

“Why do you young people always say that like it’s a bad thing? Nothing wrong with finding your place in the universe.”

“But I haven’t--”

“ _ Okay _ , but you’ve found your people. That’s an accomplishment.”

“We’re your people too, Kate.”

“And this is me.” Kate gestures to the forest around them. “It’s where you grew up, so you understand it, but it’s where I choose to be. I keep choosing it. Do you understand?”

Will rolls over and props his chin up on his hand. “Damn, Kate, I didn’t figure you for the life conversation type.”

Kate sets the stick aside and laughs. “You’re the kind of person I can talk about these things with.”

“Thanks for bringing me out here.”

“I’m free to come with you anytime you’d like.”

* * *

Back on the  _ Enterprise _ , Data has a standing tea date with Counselor Troi every two weeks. There is a forty-seven percent chance, he has calculated, that one of the other senior staff shows up to tea. Sixty-four percent of  _ that _ time, the person is Commander Riker.

“This is an unusual day,” Data comments. Today, he is trying to mimic Counselor Troi’s posture. She has excellent posture and crosses her legs at an angle that is a variation of the Golden Ratio. It is something he is interested in emulating.

“How so, Data?” Deanna smiles. Her hair has looked a little bouncier since their encounter at the ocean, which Data has noticed is a sign that her spirits have raised.

“You are speaking more than Commander Riker,” he observes.

Will laughs. “Sorry, Data. I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“How was camping?” Data asks.

“Eye-opening,” he replies, and adds nothing.

Data nods and puts down his teacup. “I was wondering, if you had no objections of course, if I could court you.”

Deanna’s eyes widen, but she keeps her posture. “ _ What _ ?” asks Will, leaning forward and furrowing his brow.

That is how Data explains - lengthily, with some prompting from Will and some help from Deanna, what Lwaxana had told him about love, relationships between men, and romantic relationships that were not physical. “Since I am capable of the physical expressions of romance but not the emotional, I would like to explore that part only.”

Will and Deanna look at each other when he’s finished speaking. “Why me?” Will asks slowly. Data does not know why he has the sudden perception that Counselor Troi is about to spring out of her chair. “Why not--” Deanna looks at him once, and he falls silent. “Why me?” he repeats.

Data raises his eyebrows. “Why not? You are trusted person, my friend, and I believe attracted to men sometimes?” Will - and Deanna - both nod. “Perhaps it is a good basis for my exploration of relationships.”

He looks over at Deanna again. A pause, not unlike the ones that Deanna shares with her mother. He turns back to Data. “So what would this...entail?”

“Perhaps we will go on a date. A date is a good start, don’t you think?”

* * *

It takes a week and a half to set up the date because neither person knows what to do. Will figures the ball should be left in Data’s court, since Data wants to do the courting. Data brings it up to Wesley while they’re trying to increase the efficiency of the warp coil. Wesley defers to Geordi, who suggests it might be worth speaking to someone with a little more expertise.

Will lets the plan slip to Kate, who is having biweekly lunches with him now. Kate immediately tells Deanna over their dessert date after dinner, and Deanna becomes increasingly concerned with  _ what exactly _ her mother had told Data in the first place. She video conferences Beverly, who was just about to video conference her, because the person Geordi defers to ends up being Beverly.

The two women have a good laugh together about it and decide a call to Lwaxana is in order.

It’s generally a confusing time for anyone else on the  _ Enterprise  _ who doesn’t know what’s going on. Those involved are acting with a little bit of discrepancy, but that doesn’t quite extend to the junior officers, who feel like something big is coming - or happening - because of the harried way their superiors are acting. Captain Picard knows there’s something up with the crew and asks Will to figure out if the junior officer betting pool is getting out of hand again.

Will tells Deanna during Worf’s Mok’bara class that afternoon that it’s all starting to roll a little bit out of control. Maybe he should take the lead on the date. Deanna laughs and tells him that things have gotten quite involved, but maybe the two of them should just figure things out.

He’s readying for bed and considering that he should just tell Data as such, that they’ve been doing a lot of walking around talking to other people except each other, but he hears the familiar chirp of his comm badge.

“Riker here.”

“Commander Riker, I’m afraid I have been making all of this much more complicated than I need to. Will you please meet me at holodeck three?”

“Of course.”

* * *

Will recognizes the forest immediately, even though the time of day has been switched around so that it’s more twilight than daytime. It’s where they met - trees and lake and all.

Data meets him in a less populated part of the forest, in a semi-clearing. He offers him a single white rose.

“Thank you, Data,” Will says, accepting the flower. “This is a thoughtful gesture.” He’s not nervous - nervous would be the wrong word. He tries to remember a similar word he’d learned once on Betazed, a bit like “trepidation” but with a more positive context but not as positive or intense as “excited.”

Data gestures ahead of him with a sweeping arm, and Will chuckles a little when he realizes he’s gesturing to the top of a tree.

“A climbing date, is it?” he quips.

“Is that alright, Commander?”

Will nods, then holds his hands out a little. “But maybe it’s just Will while we’re in this setting.”

Data nods, and they climb the tree together. Will has to give him this much: it’s a nice view. He seldom uses this holoprogram and has never used the evening setting. The moon is particularly luminescent.

“I hope the lunar eclipse is to your liking,” Data says, almost primly, as they settle onto the sturdiest branches they can find at the top of the tree. They can see over several treetops this way - and there are something akin to lightning bugs dancing in the air.

“Yes, thank you,” Will says. “Did you see something like this when you were on the beach with the others?”

“It was not a lunar eclipse like this, but the two moons there were in complementary half phases. It was quite pleasant to look at. I took to walking along the shore while the others were asleep. The sea life did turn out to be quite interesting. How was your vacation?”

“Dr. Pulaski’s a tough spirit. We camped under the stars. The forest was more bare than this and colder, but I think we both needed to clear our heads.”

Data nods curiously. “I always thought that was interesting, the concept of ‘clearing one’s head.’”

Will leans back against the branch and props one of his legs up against the tree trunk. “Hmm. Because you always have so much processing happening at once - thinking?”

“I suppose so.”

“Ah. Well, it’s more of a figure of speech. I think your brain processes just as much as usual, but you want to think about something more than something else. You know how people sometimes say that a change of scenery can give you a change in perspective? It’s not always the scenery. It’s just about making yourself think about something else.”

“I am not sure I would be able to process things differently than I do now without an upgrade.”

“Well, there are small changes when you learn, right?” Data nods. “There you go.”

“Did you need to clear your head for any reason in particular?” At Will’s pause, he continues. “For example, many on the beach trip reunited for a Caregivers’ Day, but that was not the reason that we were truly gathered. We were gathered together for--”

“Tasha.”

“Yes.” There’s a pause and then he adds the address in at the end. “Will.”

“You know Tasha and I go quite a ways back.”

“I do. You both go back to the Academy, do you not? Is that the reason you wanted to clear your head?”

“Uh.”

“Am I being too blunt?”

“Uh...no. I guess, uh, the year’s been a lot.” He thinks about his father, Beverly and Tasha leaving, Kate coming and possibly leaving again, and the reevaluation of goals he’s held for years - personal and professional. “I guess she was a reason. But there were others.”

Data stares up at the sky in a way that strikes Will as so quixotic that he wonders if Data’s seen something he hasn’t or is just emulating behavior he’s seen in a holonovel. “The absence of Tasha’s presence has been difficult to comprehend. It still is.”

Data has not spoken much of Tasha since she died. There was the occasional mention here and there, but it’s unlike Data not to say most - if not all - of what’s on his mind. Especially if the subject matter was personal. “Data, do you miss her?” Will asks quietly.

“I do not ‘miss’ people as you do.” He pauses. “But yes, there are times when I want to mention something to her, and she is not there. Or I want to tell a story about her, but then I remember that there will be no more stories about her. The thoughts have been more frequent, with all of the events lately - the beach, mostly.”

He’s not a hundred percent sure this is the right thing to do, but he does it anyway, hoisting himself up and shuffling just a little closer to data, on the next branch.

“Are you alright, Will? Is the tree uncomfortable?”

“I’m fine. Have you ever cuddled, Data?”

“Cuddling. That is when you hold someone or something close.”

“Is it enjoyable for you?”

“Yes. But it can also be a way of showing solidarity, a reminder that the both of you are united in presence, and so you can also be united in other things too. We’re together here. We remember Tasha and miss her. But we are also on the  _ Enterprise _ , which has so many other people who help make us a--a family.”

“Is it romantic?”

“It can be. Not always. It also doesn’t have to be one or the other.”

“Alright. Cuddle me.”

It involves a little bit of creativity to snuggle close together on a tree branch, but luckily, they’re two of Starfleet’s finest. They’re able to maneuver themselves where a group of branches supports their weight together. With a little bit more discussion about where limbs go, they end up holding each other. Some lightning bugs dance close to the tree and illuminate Data’s face in the darkness. “How do you feel?”

Data considers the question, then runs a finger along Will’s beard. “Well, you are quite warm. I am not sure I feel much different, but speaking to you has satisfied a lot of my curiosity. How do you feel?”

The lightning bugs flit away, and Will takes Data’s hand in the near-darkness. “Better.”


End file.
